Mr. Ivan Oh Rox my Sox

"I wanna cut off your skin and wear it for my birthday"...nice.

hello good readers! I just got home from watching Blades of Glory with my teammates. The movie ended at like 10pm and I had to walk to the train station. The streets were still very crowded though(DOI!)

well... I'm still quite iffy about my job. I love the mission and vision of the opportunity, but I do not know if I am fit for it. I wanna help the kiddies out there who need help.. but I am having quite a hard time stopping people to talk to me. Basically the charity is paying me for not doing them anything if I get less then 3 sign ups a day. I just get 1 usually. FUCK.

I stand on the streets for 7 hours and exclaim in a somewhat animated voice " Hi sir/ma'am! You got a moment to help babies?" and yet people all around seem to conspire to say "NO".

What's even more frustrating is that in my experience, asians are the most difficult to stop. They, who moved to this country, to this city, in search of a better life do not even stop and think about helping those who aren't as lucky as they are, living in a majestic city like NYC. What's worse is that most of them are really well-off. They come out of macy's or bloomingdales with a lot of paperbags and then it's like you don't exist. I FUCKING WANNA STRANGGLE THEM EVERYTIME I SEE THEM AND THEY IGNORE ME AND MY TEAMMATES.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR CHANEL GLASSES BITCHES!!


and filipinos are no exception to that observation. THEY ABSOLUTELY HAVE NOT STOPPED FOR ME. even if I speak in tagalog for them they will not stop. the fuck?! at least stop and listen to your kababayan spill his guts out and swallow his pride by begging people on the streets to give him your time! Gawd. this is the first time that I have felt angst against flipz in general since militants. grrrr..

Let me make a list...

ASIANS WHO STOPPED FOR ME:

• Singaporean guy who's broke but still sponsored a child
• England-raised Asian who already sponsors 3 children in Africa

ASIANS WHO DIDN'T STOP FOR ME:

• everyone else

I hope they're happy with their Dior perfume and Berkin bags. meanwhile a child in Sri Lanka has died due to dehydration caused by diarrhea. At least they have their Dior and Berkin.

"Be Here By 9 AM Sharp"

tomorrow is my first day of being part of the global labor force, and I am nervous as hell. it would be one thing if I were back in Manila. But I'm in a strange place. and as much as I feel like I belong, there's always that little tinee impish voice that rains on my parade saying I'm a pathetic fool.

haven't worked for anything in my life except creeping my grades up by being some sort of a syncophant and according to ma'am soriano, a manipulative scatterbrain. LOL. I am now thrown at a double dilemma.

may the thought of Lea Salonga playing Fantine in Les Miz, earning rave reviews by the way, guide me tomorrow. ALLEZ, LEA! ALLEZ!!

we shall see..

tomorrow... we dine in hell!..err..i mean.. I go to work! (CRAPPY WORD PLAY!! SOMEONE WILL BE PUNISHED!)

Call Barbara Walters! I Deserve an Interview!

FUCK IT AND FUNDRAISE. Ayluvet!

SEND ME FLOWERS, GIFTS, HUGS AND KISSES BIYATCHES AND FUCKERS!!

I have been hired by one of the world's most innovative fundraising agencies (clearly, with that tagline, it's bound to be nouveau and unconventional!) to scour the streets of manhattan for kind-hearted people(like myself!) who are willing to be sponsors for children suffering privation in different parts of the world!

DialogueDirect's office was so not like what I had expected. I expected it to be sterile, white, and prim. Nuh-uh! It was colorful, teeny, and artsy! I fell in love with the office the moment I saw the photographs of the fundraisers on the wall. I knew that I had to get my photo there. It would be my primary mission!

*pose* *pout* *flash*

and the pay is not that bad! $73/day fixed+merit bonuses on how many sponsors you can sign up that day. You sign up 6 and you get $100 for that day. I NEED TO BE AS ALLURING AS POSSIBLE. lol!!!

Good thing the interview was sooooooo informal and fun. No more of that "towering interviewer who's gonna eat you alive" atmosphere. Claudia, my interviewer, was very accomodating. AND SHE WAS ENGLISH!! I just love the English! They're soooo perky!

Though it was raining today, I was smiling as I walked back towards the World Trade Center, I couldn't help but dance and hop and skip on the streets coz I'm so happy. Earning good money and making a difference. Now that is a job. I was yodelling too. a lot of people were looking at me. I think they thought I was crazy. But hey! This is New York! No one sane is allowed to live here!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH.. and by the way, SPRING HAS SPRUNG!! and because of that, I debuted my spring outfit on the streets of NYC today.

Shall we launch my phoblog?

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Match, oui?

again. FUCK IT AND FUNDRAISE!

Le Nerd Has Been Occupied

forgive me for not being able to drop by your blogs lately people. I got so much on my mind these days that I have NO time to do a major bloghop. but rest assured that I shall grace your blogs with my presence this weekend.

I feel fat. I've been eating NON-STOP these past few days and I reckon I've gained 3 pounds or something. ARGH!! If I am to gain weight, at least let me grow taller yo! My non-stop comments about it is worrying my mom saying I might start to get anorexia from my non-stop bitching about how fat I am.

that's why I'm gonna impose a strict "NO CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM" rule on myself for the next month or two.

Gotta maintain my frikkin' hotness. LOOOOOL

I got a lot to blog about the next time I write my post. So please don't stop harassing my blog with your presence. It can tolerate it. LOOOL

luv all of you! mwah!

Karmic Wheel, Have I Offended Thee?

I want to crawl into a hole.

I just got home from a job interview.

and it was a disaster.

my thought process was virtually non-existent.

when asked what I would say on a particular scenario, my english was soooooooooo neanderthalic!

what the fuck happened????

The first day of Spring is rather stormy for me.

No smiles yet.

I want that job so much.

Pray for me people.

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AMEN.

GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!

First of all, let me start this post b y saying Thank You, Muchos Gracias, Merci Beaucoup and all that stuff to all the people who greeted me. To all those who didn't... GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BLOG!! lol.. kidding.

So, as it is still very cold, I am still unable to go to church and revel in my being such an edifice of moral excellence. I stayed home and watched Survivor: Fiji on CBS.com. I haven't been able to watch it since it's on at the same time as Ugly Betty is on. And I'm more into Henry than I am into Survivor. But I decided to catch up.

And it has caused an epiphany in my part. An angel, sent by the higher-ups annunciated unto me the GOOD NEWS!

Lisi of Survivor Fiji pisses me off big time!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR HER TO GET VOTED OFF!! SHE'S GOT "BITCH" WRITTEN ALL OVER HER WHALE OF A BODY!!

she pissed me off enough for me to make my very first BITCH of the WEEK post..



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Ok.. bitch feels like she's Queen of the Tribe coz they're the majority together with her bitch-contemporary Stacy. They're both bitches but Lisi is Queen Bitch.

When one of her tribemates fell ill she blabbed with her FAT mouth "I don't wanna take care of him, I just don't. I'm not a babysitter" (ok..im just paraphrasing. But trust me when I say she delivered it in a "WORSHIP ME I'M BETTER THAN YOU" way)

Karma got bitch back by making her fall face first onto the ground coz bitch was too fat to walk off the platform at a challenge.. lol.

Disagree with me? I don't fuckin' care!!!

Kisses everyone!

Stop and Gimme a Kiss

Gimme some love biyatches!! It's my day! whether you just dropped here by accident or you really typed in mu URL directly(I dunno why you would do that), leave me a big, fat, wet kiss..

[update]**i'd like to give a shout-out to my friend Candice Marie Perez for calling me at 4:30 in the morning. Gawd, i miss you so much sisterfriend.

Long Live Les Nerds of Ze Earth!! MWAH!

Me Likee..

I got a lot of fantasies. A LOT. Like hot, sweaty Library Sex. LOL. In the dark aisles where no one goes to read anything except for the nerds- the textbook section. LOL.

But something piques my fancy more than that. And it's not really physical. It's more than that...I've always wanted to be called Querida.. LOL

Which brings us to TeleNovela#2... "La Usurpadora" The Usurper in English, L'usurper in French, and Ang Mang-aagaw in Tagalog.

Gabriella Spanic (Gawd I looooooooooooove her name!) stars as both Paola and Paulina. Two sisters separated at birth. Paola (you just know by her name that she's the bitch) grows up in luxury, and Paulina in poverty. Destiny seems to reunite the two when Paola vacations with her lover at the hotel where Paulina works as a maid. She then forces Paulina to take her place as Paola Braccho so she (the true Paola) could go touring around the world with her DirtyOldMan benefactor.

All goes well in the Braccho household. Paulina, falling in love with Paola's hubby, fills the mansion with affection and warmth. But just as everything is going smoothly, Paola decides to come back.

BITCH.

here's the entrada of the telenovela. Gawd, I thought after MariMar and Maria la del Barrio(which I will feature next time) RPN would no longer have any good telenovelas. But this one really took me and my family for one heck of a ride.

Lycanthropy Without the Turning Into a Wolf Part

Gawd!

I feel so wretched, but I gotta say, I'm full to the brim and am about ready to burst! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!

I feel like Natalie Portman in "Anywhere But Here". I feel so trapped and I need to breathe!! Spending almost every waking hour, minute and second with the people you've been with for your entire life is gonna kill you. I SWEAR TO GAWD!! I WANT TO MOVE OUT!!!!

To anyone who's willing to give me $2000, I found this apartment in Washington Heights in Manhattan. Please send it to me via post. I WILL FUCKIN' THANK YO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND BE YOUR SLAVE FOR A WEEK!!!! If you're not gonna make me do a lot of cleaning I'll be your slave for a month!!!

Help me ease my misery. EMAIL ME(raymzizu@hotmail.com) or something. My youthful energies are starting to diminish. I NEED BLOOD!!

**My only respite in this entire conundrum is Sanjaya's hair tonight. HELLO SHIRLEY TEMPLE! Rosie O'Donnelle keeps calling him Sanjay.


**image courtesy of rickey.org

Turned Me Into the Queen of Spain

Do you remember the shows you watched when you were a kid? Some say Looney Tunes or Disney characters. Well, Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse are great and all, but when I was a wee little boy, we didn't have cable. So no Looney or Disney for me.

Yeah, there was Power Rangers (which I have to admit, I really, really liked) But there were other shows that made me tune in everyday. School was never going to be an obstruction. Homework could always be set aside for 30 minutes to an hour.

Spanish TV hit Manila like a fuckin' tsunami. I was really enamoured by it. It was sooooo sexy and sooooo tense that I wasn't able to stop talking about it for a loooooooong time. My mom and our household helper back then were full of me asking this and that and commenting about this and that as well.

It was so huge that even Zebulon got it. So we got our little green, ghetto friend.

So let's take a journey back, shall we?

altogether now...

Thalia fever hit the Philippines with MariMar. And my golly, it was a phenomenon! Who could forget Sergio? Angelica? Perfecta? PULGOSO THE TALKING DOG!! Who did not fall for the little, sweet, innocent girl from the beach who was abused and totured by Angelica for falling gaga over her stepson, Sergio; who suddenly turned out to be the heiress of Club Valle Encantada? See?! I still remember the details!

I was in the first grade then. And I was gaga over MariMar. I was strangely drawn to Sergio though, and I couldn't understand why. LOOOOOOOL!!

My favorite scene in the entire series was when Thalia finally got her revenge on Angelica. Do you guys remember when Angelica told MariMar to get the bracelet that Sergio gave her, from the mud using her mouth? Well, MariMar got rich, bought Angelica's hacienda, and told her that if she wants it back, she must get the deed from the pool of mud with her mouth.. GAWD!! REVENGE AT ITS FINEST!! AYLUVET!!!

Here's the video of the scene. It's in Spanish. But you can feel the hatred and the satisfaction and all the other emotions seeping through the dialogues.

I remember waking up at 4am just to watch when Thalia arrived in the Philippines. People were going crazy like it was the pope who arrived.

When the series ended, I felt like it was an end of an era. I asked God what would fill my weeknights... I felt so empty all of a sudden. LOL. Good thing RPN rode the SpanishWave like a crackwhore on crack. I'll be featuring them in the coming days.. :P

HOTTIE of the WEEK: Thalia. Wherever you are, you are still FAB!!

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so you now know what first turned me over the other team.. LOL!

and speaking of that shit.. another 'WTF?!' conversation overheard in New York...

There's Nothing Rational about Desire

Very gay man: I have to go buy some Crisco -- I have a date tonight.
Straight guy: I don't understand how you can not be interested in a nice set of tits and a wet vagina.
Very gay man: I don't understand how you can not be interested in a big throbbing cock!
Straight guy: Because I already have one.
Very gay man: Let me see!
Straight guy: No!

--Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

via Overheard in New York, Mar 12, 2007

Take Off Your Pants

as I am typing this post, someone is getting arrested upstairs. I have no idea who, but the po-lice (read powlis) came in full force... and I opened the door!! HOORAY FOR JUSTICE!

New York is starting to fuck me. lol. CRIME CRIME CRIME!!! ayluvet!! The excitement! I mean, I don't wanna be a victim, but being a spectator.. is simply... SPECTACULAR!! lol!!

I feel so debonair all of a sudden. lol!!

Just got back from the doctor. and I'm disease free! venereal and all! lol.

there's just one more and my journey to the dark side (of the force) will be complete. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Crappy post coz I feel all drugged up. lol. they drew 6 vials of blood and I am so... light headed? hihihihihi. didn't eat luch and breakfast coz i woke up late and the appointment ended at around 3pm. but i can still type. but i can't think straight, i think. lol

To make do, here's a bit of New York wisdom for all of you. Spread the love!

Sure, Why Not?

MTA worker #1: Que sera, sera.
MTA worker #2: Is that French?
MTA worker #1: Yeah.

--Times Square subway station

Overheard by: Cat

via Overheard in New York, Mar 8, 2007

LONG LIVE THE PO-LICE AND THE MTA! hahahahahaha

Where Have the Little Children Gone?

As children, we have always thought optimistically. Our heads in the clouds, full of idealism and energy...

My Czech friend, Klimo, asked me how I was. And I told him I was frustrated, disappointed, and most of all, sad. He asked me why. I told him...

I was able to catch this video in YouTube and it reminded me of how I, and a billion other people felt during the celebration of the 2nd Millenium..

I had such high hopes back then. Even as a 10 year old, I already saw the blight and entropy that the world was rife with. And I thought to myself, maybe, with the fete and festivities that came along with the 2000th year of modern covilization, that maybe, the world would start to become a better place to live in. Wars and strife would end. The diaspora of many a people would finally come to a halt, equity and the end of discrimination would start to reign. I had my hopes up. Im sure a lot of young ones did too.

The fireworks and the hooplah heralded the coming of a new era of peace and prosperity... Or so we thought.

As the years went on, I forgot about that time. I forgot about how happy and anticipative I was. I became part of the mindless world machine who think of themselves, and their self-progression only.

But when i watched this video, it all came back to me. But now, it's no longer hope, but despair. Despair and forlornness as to why things are still practically the same.

Racism is still prevalent. Sexism and looksism, even ageism are still hooked like leeches on humanity. Wars are still afoot. The Middle East is still a hodgepodge of tension. Africa is still engulfed with poverty. The world powers are still somewhat indifferent to global problems that need immediate attention and intervention. And the Philippines, ang aking bayang minamahal, is still in the cesspools of the third world.

I ask now, "where has the hopeful kid gone?"

Seems like the "tomorrow in our hands" has fallen prey to insidious greed and apathy. Did our conviction and drive die along with the noise after January 1, 2000?

I guess we're all to blame, coz we still haven't made the effort to reach the pinnacle goal of Y2K...

Is it too late for me to raise my little flags, white and the rainbow, and say.. "WORLD PEACE!"?

I hope not.. for it is my opinion that everything grows from that root. World Peace isn't an end..it's the means.. prosperity springs from it, so do happiness, contentment and unity.

Or I may just be some coot who can't get his head off the clouds and back to earth.

They say hope springs eternal. But somehow, I find that my hope is thinning out, lost in the menagerie that is the world today.

You must hold on and dream of a place that is safe, peaceful and free
through a thousand years and more, let it be
a bright new world that shines
with love for humanity
a world that's whole for you and me

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The Price I gotta Pay

I hate it!! New York isn't just the greatest city in the known universe (it even beat the Alien with an Afro's Zebularadarodara..LOL), it's also in the upper echelons of "YOU-BETTER-BE-RICH-OR-YOU'LL-FUCKIN'-LOOK-LIKE-A-PAUPER" cities. GGGRRR.

Listen to this: Manhattan living would cost you at least $1000, and that's the cheapest and most barren, niggardly, and banal apartment you can find on this side of the galaxy. And it's also the city with the highest car insurance and health insurance prices. Arounf $400, i think per month.

But that's not why I'm mad. I'm mad because the price of a friggin' haircut costs $90 friggin bucks!! I was accustomed to the 50php, and the occasional 300php haircuts I got in Manila. But here?.. the good salons cost a fortune. And I fuckin' hate it!!! I haven't had a haircut for 2 months, not only because of the cold, but because my wallet is fuckin' empty!!! I used it all up to eat fuckin' subway sandwiches!!!

And I can't ver well just go to a barber shop. My hair requires delicate precision. Just one false woop and it's all freakish looking. I tell you.

And now, because of my utter desperation, I've asked my mom to give me money for my haircut as her birthday gift for me. I AM SO DESPERATE!! I look like a fuckin' retard!!!!

And the hair products are killing me as well!! $20 for a small container of hair wax!!

Gawd, I so have to work. And when I do, I shant eat anything to save money!!!!!!!

I guess that's a day in the life of the rich and fabulous...MUST.REMAIN.FAB!!

To balance the increasing neuroticism of my brain, let me debut my Hottie of Ze Week. Each week, I'll feature one, may be male, may be female. Depends on who I consider a hottie.

This week, it's Santiago Cabrera who plays Isaac Mendez on Heroes.

He so has that "FUCK ME I'M AN ARTISTE" vibe that he sends to both men and women.. LOL!!

(photo c/o Rickey.org)

*give me a break, I'm depressed about my hair so I deserve to be "malandi" even just for a while.

FABULOSITY

I so envy Jennifer Hudson. No no, not because she won an Academy Award (though that wouldn't be bad at all). I envy her coz she was so glamorous during her Oscar Night performance. Yep, dear readers, my being a FAB-HAG has struck again!

First, it has ALWAYS been a dream of mine to ascend the stage via a raising platform. I imagine it makes you feel so important and so regal. JHud must've felt like the Queen of Spain. LOL.

Second, all, my friends know this, I've always craved to sing in front of a bazillion people and enchant them with my *ahem* beautiful voice. I wanna belt out my powerful vocals and stun the world (in a good way). I then expect 10 minutes of non-stop standing-Os.

Her gown was fabulous! Makes me go back to the OLD days when I first wanted to try out a dress. Out of my system now, but I admit I went through that phase, LOL. Her ruby red gown fell on her body like a fluid curtain. LOVED IT.

Fourth, and probably the most frustrating thing, was her moves! Dammit, the girl can groove! BUT, those moves are mine!! I've been using them for 6 years(in private of course; when my ConcertQueen Syndrome starts to attack me again..LOL)! The diamond step with aerobic arm movements, The one-shoulder move she did at the beginning of the video, the hand PLANTED permanently on her waist, the hair flip(though I have short hair), and the hip movements she did on 2:26 of the video. I SHOULD SUE HER FAT, GORGEOUS ASS!!

My my. the power of a make over can do wonders!!.. She's just like Marc Jacobs. Lookie-lookie..

BEFORE:

JHud looking like a taco on Idol 3.

Scruffy Marc Jacobs with uber hot boytoy, Jason Preston

AFTER:

JHud out-boobs Beyonce

Marc Jacobs oooh-lala after he broke up with Preston. Look at those pecs!

HOTTIES!!!

Busts my Bolts: Pinoy Big Brother

I like Big Brother. But I don't like Pinoy Big Brother.

Let me just say that the network's editing to make the "housemates"(how I abhore that term already) look so civic minded and appear so charitable makes me sick to my stomach. THE HYPOCRISY!! I would have bought it had ABS-CBN not converted each and every one of the "gomerals" into commercial artists. My God! Talk about profit first!! At least choose those that have talents!

The likes of Cass acting???? Next please!

Let me say this, each and every time I saw Kim Chiu on TV (and on the trailers and previews of FDH) I got so pissed off I would send Group Messages to my friends proclaiming my extreme annoyance and dislike towards her. She hardly seems real to me! She has the word FAKE tattooed all over her face.. FAKE FAKE FAKE!!

And don't get me started on Gerald! (You always have one expression.. ALWAYS.. the "Who me?" expression)

It's a good thing Nene didn't abandon her integrity by being part of this artistic travesty(I think). As for Keanna.. well, she can't act. But her area doesn't require acting that much. It just requires her to be who she is.. a bit of naivete.. and a whole lot of boobs..

Big Brother here in the States and in other parts of the world still carry out community works. But they don't spin it out like it's what the housemates (fug!) have wanted to do all their lives. As a matter of fact, I would respect one who would do bad stuff on TV as opposed to someone who's goody-goody.. That's real. I mean, I wouldn't support an EVIL guy.. but I wouldn't support a saint as well....

I like sinners.. NOT KILLERS..MORE SO MOTHER THERESA WANNABES!

And not to mention... Big Brother in other countries (like the Czech Republic..LOL) have a LOT of hotties.. hahahahaha!!

Forgive me father.. for I shall sin..

**You're disgusting.. and who says "booby" anymore?.. You're ghetto lingo is ancient!!